Okayyyy okayyy okayyyy FULL DISCLOSURE.. this is NOT a post shitting on Chinarrrr, it’s literally just highlighting what I experienced while living in this magical country- and honestly, I genuinely love experiencing these things.. It makes it feel… real.
I literally laugh to myself every day because of the things that happen- nothing big happens every day, but something happens every day.
Listen, let me walk through my experience of getting a work visa.. it was an experience to say the least. They literally strip you down naked (ok not literally, literally), but they need everything from your college grades, to a criminal record check, to a medical check. It’s a process, but eventually (well hopefully) you get your work visa. 6 months later, BAM, a page of my passport is taken over by my China work visa. But that’s not it, oh no, no, no…
Let me walk you through the medical check experience… in China.. at a public… clinic (if you can call it that). TG for my assistant and for bringing me to this place where they ended up poking me, jabbing me, and giving me a ultrasound with something that I swear has never been cleaned. But no sweat, all us foreigners, who decide to move to China, have to get this done.
Honestly, if you ever go through this, take a moment and take it all in, because it is a story to tell your friends and family outside of China. Also, take a look around and appreciate all the assistants/ coworkers that accompany the foreigners to the clinic, because honestly without them, we probably would be so lost in this building.
After all the signing in, two 2 by 2 inch copy of your pictures, you’re told to go from room to room to get something done to you. First was the blood test, no sweat, small poke and I’m good… but of course, #itme.. and I have small veins, so it took the poor nurse a few slaps (I swear the person behind me thought the nurse was using one of those meat hammers to thin out meat pattys.. that’s how hard she was slapping my arm) to the arm to find my vein and when she ‘finally did’ she poked me and blood just squirted out. (Sorry, but we have all seen blood so deal with it). She had no remorse, but whatever, it was done in a jiffy. Next was the ultra sound room. When I say you stand in line and its one after the other… IT IS ONE AFTER THE OTHER.. like this person must have a record of the amount of ultrasounds she gives within in a minute. Like its literally thank u, next- seconds after seconds. Does the wand ever get cleaned? I don’t ever want to think about. Then she throws a tissue at you to wipe off the goop. Oh okurrr. THE X-RAY.. oh man. I tend to wear a bit of jewelry so I was prepared to take it off when need be, but oh no, they said no need and didn’t even put the led vest on me and just *snap*snap* my x-ray was done. Listen, if I didn’t have anything before, I must have something now. OH WELL, I made this decision ya know?
Then…comes…the…pee….in…a…cup. NBD (no big deal for those who don’t get abbreviations…) just pee in a small cup. Easy. But then where do you put it? Oh you know, right outside the toilet where there are a plethora of PEE CUPS WITH NO LIDS ALL IN ONE CART. OKURRR. Welp fair. Side note, when I compared notes with my friend who went through this.. he said there wasn’t a tray to put his, so he went to his assistant and asked her where he should put his pee cup. What happens next? The assistant TAKES THE CUP and walks up and down the hallway asking people where she should put it. Again, there are no lids to these cups… imagine the imagery-splish, splash. End scene.
LANGUAGE. Oh man… I still struggle.. but at least I learned to say ‘Grande Caramel Macchiato, skim milk and half the pumps’ in Chinese and made friends with the Starbucks barista. Side note, I went to this one Starbucks so often that when I didn’t come for a few days, they got worried! HOW CUTE.. tip guys, if you move to a new place, find your regulars.. because if something does happen.. a) someone will notice b) maybe, just maybe, someone will come looking for you (more so the first and nothing will happen, but hey you can have a piece of mind that maybe someone will come looking for you). BUT my sis came to visit me when I first moved. She wanted bubble tea.. taro flavor. Ok NBD, move aside sissy, allow me to order… Oh shit.. how do you say taro in Chinese? **side note, its super popular to have this ‘cheese’ thing .. it’s more like whipped cream cheese.. on top of your drink.** Sissy did NOT want that… so.. what did I do.. I google translated taro.. Yutou if your’re wondering (2nd tone on Yu.. for those who know Chinese).. turns out the place didn’t have it. Sis settled for green tea, milk tea, bubble tea.. but didn’t want the milk cheese thing, so I said.. in my broken Chinese.. no ‘naigai’. What drink was served? Just literal green tea over ice.. WOOPS sorry Sis.
OH BOY… then comes my overnight stay in a hospital.. ALONE.. in a Chinese.. PUBLIC HOSPITAL. No English. TG for mamacinds and forcing me to learn Cantonese (Everyone in China speaks Mandarin.. and from the story above… it’s very clear that my mandarin is no Bueno) because that is literally what saved me when I stayed overnight in the hospital. First things first, TG for my coworker for dragging me to the hospital because this sista here is way too stubborn and would have never gone. What is wrong with me? (well a lot of things.. like hello I’m psychotic buttttt not the point) I still don’t know, but I’m breathing so we Gucci. Just by my accent, all the doctors and nurses knew I wasn’t from here. They somewhat freaked out too, but when I told them I knew Cantonese, they paged every nurse in the hospital to find one that spoke Cantonese. HONESTLY HOW NICE. I was so thankful. To that nurse.. I am SO THANKFUL for you. We bonded over the fact that she goes to Hong Kong often (she went for her bf.. and I went for my sanity but same same la).
Back to my overnight stay… SO THANKFUL I HAD MY OWN ROOM. Also v thankful that China has a great delivery system BECAUSE there was no toilet paper, soap, or even a cup to drink water out of. TG for my WBF for ordering me all the supplies to make sure my stay was as comfortable as it was. Also.. when the doctor said I couldn’t eat or drink anything.. a small part of me inside died a little. NOT EATING FOR ME IS LIKE… WHEN BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE SPLIT.. LIKE WHEN YOU’RE TOLD SANTA CLAUS DOESN’T EXIST.. DEVASTATING!!! Guys.. I know this is pretty logical.. but if you ever go through a fast, don’t go on Instagram and look at foodie posts… JUST.DONT.DO.IT. Makes sense right? But I was so delusional.. I just wanted my eyes to eat. SOMETHING IN MY BODY TO INTAKE THE GLORIOUSNESS OF FOOD. Yes. I am dumb. I KNOW.
I will save you the tests and shit that I had to go through.. like the one that wires were connected to me from head to toe and gave me this electric shock feeling.. YUP. TG for WBF for visiting me the next day and asking the doctors what’s up or else I would NOT have known that I would have to stay for 3 MORE NIGHTS. So what happens next? I check my damn self out of the hospital.. mind you.. weak AF.. but I was determined. Imagine zombies crawling out of the darkness into light.. trying to adjust and gain back energy.. I swear that’s what I thought I looked like leaving the hospital. Sista was not going to be there a second longer when I could just scoot over to HK to go somewhere else. Thank u, next. All in all.. Super thankful for everyone who was with me throughout those 24 hrs. I didn’t think much of it TBH, I just went with the groove, moving from test to test to room to room. #itschina Shit happens. You can’t question it. You have to just go with it.
That one was one for the books TBH.
ANYWHOOS there’s so much to write about, but those are the noteworthy one for today. I haven’t even gone through my experiences in cabs and Didi (the Chinese version of Uber), but that’s for next time. Hope you got some giggles out of this. Remember laughing is a form of medicine, so do it daily. Tata for now- xoxoBasicallySingle
BasicallySingle 